That's all I can seem to think about right now...I went to my gyn yesterday and she has scheduled me for a pelvic ultrasound on Wednesday to see what might be going on. I keep having strange thoughts like "what if this is the last weekend I have before finding out that I have ovarian cancer??" I know- morbid, right? What is it about turning 43 and constantly thinking every ache and pain is going to turn out to be some horrible death sentence?
I guess truth be told I've always been that kind of thinker...always waiting for the other shoe to drop as they say. I'm definitely a bit of a worry wart...my thoughts tend to always go to the next possible hazard that may go wrong. It's not like I crave drama because that's definitely not it- and it's not like I haven't had enough drama in my lifetime! (things I've lived thru as a child are things better left unknown about!)
So, I keep having these crazy thoughts creeping in...what if? How will I respond if it is the big C? Will I cry- or be in shock? It might seem crazy to someone reading this that someone wastes time thinking about these kind of things, but I can't help it. My mom has had breast cancer twice and is a survivor. But with my odds of possibly having cancer in my lifetime, it's never 'if' it's always 'when' in my mind...
Naturally I'm a big baby when it comes to hospitals and needles so I'm praying heavily that all things look good! But it is a great reminder to really live in the moment and soak up all that life has given you...Everyone has a story and I hope this isn't a chapter in my book. So I will keep praying that this week will go uneventfully and I can keep my focus on trying to find my purpose...
